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When Grey Hair Speaks

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When Grey Hair Speaks

-By Chris Nwogu

My son,

What the old sees while sitting, a child will not see even if he climbs to the tip of a telecom mast as such for you to see farther you will need to stand on my shoulder. The headmaster was once a student and that arc-shaped old woman being supported by that walking stick was once the hottest babe in her time, guys were tripping heads over heels for her.

The little snail asks the mother… Mommy why are your lips thick, swollen and ugly, the Mother snail replied, be patience little one, not all questions deserve answers; thick-swollen-and- ugly gets to everyone in time. Within weeks baby snail notice big lumps developing on its snouts, welcome thick-swollen and ugly.

Was it not one of your own generation; Flavour, they seem to call him, that sang and admonished the women with sagged breast to be patient with the younger women as firm breast standing as if it will never sag will also sag with time no matter how firm and robust they may look today.

It was Chief Leweuwa – the drunk who became mad, in a moment he had a flash of sanity reflected that madness is a sweet experience but that the big problem is that you are always on the move even when you need to stop, sit and rest!

There are decisions one makes in life that are like madness, you will never sit, relax and rest even when you want to or need to. Marriage, career and business are some of such.

Your generation is a generation of short attention span, one that finds it difficult to concentrate yet it is a multitasking generation, so I’ll like to keep the flow so you don’t lose concentration or get distracted while emerged in your other interests via your android or smart phone.

I hope I get a smooth landing for since the time of Shakespeare, Alas! Even before him, Man have struggle with the argument “To be or not to be” The issue I’m attempting to address is not palatable at all; it is a hard nut to crack.

It was Dee Nnaa, the man who cuts palm fruit in the village as his occupation, yes, that morning he prayed for blessings but he did not sharpen his Ogbuadani (cutlass) and so he climbed the first palm tree and there before him was seven big hefty ripe bunch of palm fruit in just one tree, Ewo! He was happy, that means, in addition to his daily wage one oke okpa (cock) will be included as tradition  demands in such unusual circumstance but the,  he was unexcited because his Ogbuadani was blunt that morning. As a result, for four hours he was on same tree, by the time he climbed the second tree another seven ripe bunches! An unusual blessing for one day but that will mean two cocks but instead of rejoicing De Nnaa let out a staccato of screams Ewo! Ewo! Screams upon screams he let out, why must these blessings come today that I have a blunt ogbuadana, this blessing is a curse ooh! And for the whole day, De Nnaa was on two palm trees. So the man who contracted him refused to pay him and also denied him the two oke okpa (cock). He got home like one that fought two elephants and a guerrilla; Ugodiya his wife ran into the bush to get herbs to treat his blister and massage his body and was beating by a snake. So he who must ask for blessings must first of all sharpen his cutlass and cutlass you must sharpen for this advice.

I remember the day the first grey hair was found amidst my lush-black-hair, I smile inwardly as I realized my time was gathering, as my hair began transforming, so has my wisdom mounted over the years.

I hope you glean from experience gathered over the course of time when black silky hair turns silver grey. That you may take responsibilities of your choices not considering were the advice came from.

Son, I grew through a period when it was generally agreed that when you spare the rod, you spoil the child and I’m glad that is how you were raised. Today in your generation, parents and teachers are compelled to train and met discipline to their wards with the parents hands handcuffed at their back.

For us older folks we still believe such training of seeming too much infantile-child’s independence and freedom  have a high risk of being counterproductive despite opinion of expert who insists there is no second option.

But do we blame them? When it is becoming increasingly difficult to know the intent of man; your best friend alas, you were his best man at his wedding so you think you could trust him, he will look you straight in the eyes and swindle you and will be in church to give testimony of God’s blessings and you go home sorrowfully mourning not only the loss of money but how a friend could be that heartless.

What of that very good religious man, a good neighbour or so you thought. Just because you do not belong to his religion makes you less human so he will have more pity slaughtering a ram than he will have slaughtering your entire family.

You like children; you could be looked upon as paedophile, will you blame society or the expert for their lack of trust in allowing parents and teachers met out corporal punishments when they are known to give first degree, second and third degree burnt and injuries in the process of discipline to the children.

Bishops and other celebrities are having erotic field day with kids in the lofty bed of their cozy air conditioned chambers.

You like animal you could be accused of bestiality. What with man turning their sexual preferences and desires to horses, pigs and dogs…. Tufiakwa! That tantamount to Ignoring breast milk while preferring to suck pus!

Then you are expected to speak politically correct languages. Say what our new age society approves and not your latent convictions. In fact, when you decide to speak up, you must say it in such a way that when you could not stand the heat, you say you were misquoted, misinterpreted or quoted out of context. You must speak kindly of homosexuality, lesbianism, gender equality even incest and bestiality after all what matters is motive.

Son the words I am about to say are not politically correct. You may want to reflect on the lyrics of that evergreen hits song “…Coward of The County” by Kenny Rogers and take a clue on how to handle advice

“Son you don’t have to fight to be a man” and the sons eventual conclusion

“…. Papa, I should hope you understand, Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man”

I think both father and Son were right in their various circumstances and choices.

Just before you contemplate marriage beware of this group of women albeit men:

A cold man\woman, do not mistake her quietness for humility; she could be unhappy, hurting or angry inside. It is possible there is a scare in the core of her heart that refuses to erase. It could be torturing her even when she’s madly in love with you.

In few years despite your effort to make her happy you might not recognize the man you have become, you could be short-changed. Remember the saying, when you stare at the abyss, the abyss will stare back at you. He who goes chasing spirit must be careful else he starts smelling like the spirits he’s chasing. God help you.

Our world is going single and individualistic. That does not make it right. Man is a product of community and social existence yet we wonder why suicide rate is at alarming increase. Dolphins enjoys flipping up air, we cheer and savour the sight but for Dolphins to try to remain away from water is a fate worse than suicide. Mankind is standing on its head in our “Civilized ways” we don’t need expert advice to know we cannot move farther in that direction. That said

Beware of product of broken homes, polygamous home or divorced homes. Par adventure you are a product of such you need to understand you are also coming with some challenges and you must seek to improve on your limitations. This also means that you must seek to raise a home where you and your wife will live with each other and remain till death do you part, this is not old fashion it remains the best way to raise children.

Beware of rape victim especially one that was circumcised at birth. Her sexual desire could have been messed up, remember if you are my son, (which I know paternity test not needed due to striking resemblance), sex could be very important issue in marriage, don’t overlook it.

I know you might think you know, you can handle it and religious enough to deal with it, I do not doubt that but remember you have my DNA. The above women will seem strong but they are fragile inside. if you decide to go ahead, you must show them great depth of love and understanding, a love far beyond feelings. So the barriers they erected over the years will crumble and they willingly open up to you, that painful past locked up in the dungeon of their psych.

She may think she had healed before you met her but the coal of fire still burns and the smoke can choke you both. When the prisoner is drenched by rain, the warder is equally soaked. You must love her deeply to help her heal, seek professional help.

Remember there is more original sin wrestling mankind, do not acquire or add to your DNA when you give it to your children. You must help your spouse heal before you contemplate marriage.

Again I do not mean that women not included in this group are automatic wife materials… far be it. When you see that perfect beauty on the way, who knows her crippling fault at home? Gold glitters, it also blinds.

Candle is of no use to its owner until it leaves the shelves and gives light, for that is the purpose of its maker. The same light that cooked your food can still raze down an entire city.

No fortress is so strong that it can withstand a siege for long. Tie rope to the goat or tie the goat to the rope could mean the same thing however rope is good on the neck of goat while chain is better on dog’s neck but if you decide to interchange, that is your decision both could still go.

One man’s poison, they say is another man’s meat. May the sea help us wash the fish off its foul smell for the smell can be terrible. Yet the smell remains despite the sea of water that has cleansed it. To enjoy the fish you must ignore the foul smell, season the fish to turn it into a sweet smelling meal.

Last words Son, no one actually knows the turn life takes, teenage and old age behaviours cannot clearly be predicted, whether you will turn foolish or wise remains an argument but whichever the turn, you can influence it. “I am not a product of my circumstance but a product of my decision” Says Steven Covey. You, son can help this individual realize that they are a product of their decision not their circumstances.